Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Things They Should Really Tell You in Pre-marital Counseling

After almost two months I've started to realize that there are some pretty critical things they don't warn you about in marriage counseling. Sure they cover the basics - how to communicate, money, intimacy, etc. but lets face it, those aren't the day-to-day challenges you face during the first few months of marriage. 

So here is my list of what I've learned so far....

1. Sharing a bed is hard work. Especially if you are used to sleeping in a large bed alone with 3+ pillows. If you do, your husband will probably complain that he only gets 30% of the bed while you take up the other 70%. But considering the alternative is to sleep without your beloved pillows and instead turn him black and blue by your violent tossing and turning all night long, he might just be willing to accept that 30%.

The truth - falling asleep in each others arms is for the movies. Reality is the kiss and roll (as in a kiss goodnight and roll to opposite sides)

2. Changing your name is a pain. Really, whoever decided that the social security office should only be open from 10 am to 3 pm Monday through Friday (except for closing at noon on Wednesday) was not thinking of the working newlywed. 

And in case you were wondering, you can't just show up at the DMV and smile for a new license with your new name and address on it....there are steps you have to take before that...

3. Some friend/relative/distant acquaintance might have been upset or offended by something you did or didn't do at your wedding. Don't dwell on it to much or let it effect how you remember the day. 

4. Your new wedding dishes won't last forever. In fact, you should probably drop one on the floor as soon as you open the box just to get it over with.

5. Don't register at Target. You will probably end up with 3 Keurig machines because their registry system is awful and they might happen to mix up your returns and put the store credit back on the purchasers credit card rather than a gift card for you. This can make for potentially awkward moments when thinking of how to phrase a thank you card. On the positive side, they will consolidate all the gift cards you receive into one lump sum, which is much more convenient.

6. If you marry a Finn beware. No one will ever be able to spell or pronounce your last name again. In fact you will probably have to practice spelling it as well....


  1. This is totally accurate! The "kiss and roll", especially. :-D AND I dropped a plate just last week - the only flower-y one I had! Oh well.

  2. I feel you pain haha! And your husband will probably have to get used to the bed-sharing arrangement. Now that I am pregnant, I want even MORE space on the bed. My poor husband claims he has become a pro and clinging to the edge of the bed.
    One good piece of advice someone gave me was the get one extra box of dishes, because you will drop and break some. So I initially bought 16 place settings, and I still have a box of pristine dishes in the closet to make up for my clumsiness:)

  3. Ok... I am supposed to be working but I had to stop in and see my long lost friend. I have to disagree with you on the bed thing, dear one. Let's just say I have counseled many ladies who struggle with intimacy in marriage after the initial romance wears off. You need to make that falling asleep in each others arms your new habit. If for no other reason, (and there are lots of other good reasons) but because you will be sharing that bed for a LONG time. In fact, a lot longer than you slept apart. It will take a little work perhaps, but let's face it, anything of value requires work! Now on the down side... Allen and I are so connected in our sleep that when he travels neither of us get much sleep. But that's not a bad thing. It makes the time we are back together that much sweeter.

    Someone will always be offended at anything and everything you do in this life so you have the right attitude... do what is right and don't let them spoil it for you.

    Had to laugh out loud about the dishes... That's why I opted not to have "fine" china. I knew someone would drop one of those $35 dishes and I would cry and someone would feel bad. Or we'd never use them. I think one of the best choices I ever made was to invest in inexpensive but easy to match and pretty dishes for special occasion. My boys love to buy me dishes. Every occasion they each give me another piece. For my birthday they added a few new things to my collection. I made a comment about how if they kept up with it at this rate I would have no room for dishes. Except that we break dishes at an alarming rate. That is the price you pay for having kids help in the kitchen when they are 2. You just learn to sweep it up and move on. So when I opened a few more dishes on my birthday I said we'd run out of room by the time the boys were grown and wasn't it a good thing that we break them because the boys will never run out of gift ideas for me.

    So glad you are finding your way around married life. Love to both of you!!!

  4. Love this guys are such a cute newly wed couple :) Next you should do a "100 Things I Learned in First 100 Days of Marriage" post.

    Ha! Laughing so hard at my mom's comment because I have heard her give that speech to many a new couples :)

    Love and hugs!