Thursday, April 24, 2014

What Does it Mean to Become "One?"

Oneness in marriage is the merger of body, soul, and spirit.

One of the greatest gifts and challenges Brandon and I have recognized since our marriage is the biblical direction to become "one" as husband and wife.

True unity requires one to choose to put the well being of another first - and as a Christian, is the ultimately depiction of God’s love and a true display of what it means to be a believer - sacrificial love.

We have quickly learned that such unity can only be achieved when our love and obedience to the Lord is at the core. When we don’t focus on our faith and the purpose behind our marriage, it is too easy to get caught up in our stubborn ways and selfishness.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain." 
Psalm 127:1

At our wedding ceremony, one of the ways our pastor described oneness was rejoicing and mourning with one another. When your spouse rejoices - you rejoice with them. Likewise, when your spouse is in despair, you are alongside them.

How true this has been for us already! Most recently we’ve felt this as we mourned the loss of our friend Josiah. I truly have never seen my husband in so much pain - first he needed me to mourn with him, and then he needed me for support, to encourage him to travel out to MN for Josiah’s final hours, to support him in making financial decisions regarding funeral and travel costs, and to fly out to be with him for the funeral. In the same way, when some family drama rose up after our wedding and I was being targeted, Brandon was quick to make it clear that it was no longer "me" and "him" but "us."

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has not one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

In order for 2 to become 1, they cannot cleave to anyone else. This might be easy if you were detached from your family, but I am very close to my parents. For the last 25 years they have been the individuals I most loved, trusted, and confided in. They were my primary source of support and direction and they were the first people I turned to for guidance. I love my relationship with my parents, but I knew it had to change after I became a Mrs.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
Genesis 2:24

The process has been slow and somewhat difficult. It started with practical things - not talking to them everyday, making sure I sought my husband’s opinion first (rather than my parents), and learning to confide in Brandon at a deeper level. More noticeable changes have come as Brandon and I have had to make some of our first major decisions on our own - decisions that my parents don’t necessarily agree with. They are still supportive, but they would have done things differently. But while my parents have spent 25 years considering what is in my best interest, they also respect that Brandon and I now have to decide what is best for us. 

We are no longer individual entities.

"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Colossians 3:14


  1. This is totally true. Like you, I also found that "detaching" from my parents was very difficult after Greg and I were married! However, I think our parents found it a lot more difficult. ;-) So thankful for supportive parents!

  2. I'm saving this so I can remember when I'm older :)